My sister found me on Twitter. And I am scared. I dont want her know how hard the T1D life is.

As I get older I don’t want Anyone to know how hard T1D life is.

I don’t want anyone to see my large stash of juice boxes in the car. Sometimes they are afraid to ride with me because of a possible sugar crash.I don’t want anyone to see me check my sugar every 2 hours or know how it can jump because of my gastroparesis or know how it can crash at 4 am to 40 and Im shaking like a leaf, almost blacking out, drunk walking to the fridge. I don’t want a man to know my sugar can crash in the middle of sex thereby ruining the moment. I don’t want anyone to know I cant have kids because I’m too brittle and I have endometriosis. I don’t even want @verylightnosuga to know I second her on wanting to adopt but – at 35 – is that ever going to happen? I don’t want her to know I share her hopes and fears. I don’t want anyone to know how dry I am. I don’t want anyone to know how bad my legs burn, especially at night and I cant sleep. I don’t want anyone to know that I fear every germ or insect bite like a cancer patient.  I don’t want anyone to know how its hard for me to breathe once my sugar gets up over 250 and I have to then watch it like a hawk. I don’t want anyone to know how much I love my pens. I don’t want anyone to know I carry my insulin on ice so I stash it under the driver seat and leave it there. I don’t want anyone to know the nausea that accompanies me almost every single day for whatever reason. I don’t want anyone to know I vomit from the gastroparesis and its my lunch still in tact from 3 days ago. I don’t want anyone to know the terror of a blister on my foot because it could mean the loss of it. I don’t want anyone to know the diagnosis of the myopic shift in my eyes where all of a sudden my vision changes for better or worse depending on my blood sugar. My glasses are never right. I don’t want anyone to know my feet are freezing and its 113 degrees outside. I don’t want anyone to know I cant exercise at this moment because my sugar is too high. I dont want anyone to know how tired I am and how Im always tired. I don’t want the world to know HOW disappointed I am that @driverRyanReed still supports CrossFit.

I dont want ANYONE to know how much the #DOC means to me.

I look well.

I dont want my baby sister to know its never going to better. Its only going to get worse.

Advertisements