I’m not sure what to call this. I’m not sure how to begin it. I’m in a new area, I was assigned a new PCP; I go to my new patient appointment today and the Dr tells me he refuses to treat me because I have too many health problems. He continued to judge and berate me for being so young with so many health concerns.

This was supposed to be my new found hope towards better health and longevity.  I was stoked. Getting health insurance in my area was the best thing since sliced bread for me! It meant that I could get all necessary referrals to endocrinologists and such.  Then on to… Wait for it… CGM, and pump; all the T1D cool kids tech that helps us live happier, longer lives.

But this Dr refused to even refill my insulin. He said I can’t handle it. You can’t handle it? How do you think I feel? The nurse had to talk him into it and he said ok, just this once.

I shed a tear or two in that Dr office while he’s flailing his arms up in the air. He then says oh great now you have depression on top of it all.

I have never felt more defeated in my life.  I have never felt more betrayed.  This man was supposed to take my life in his medical hands and carry me through.  Nope. No chance here. 

This moment demands me to turn deep inside and find a core strength from somewhere even if I don’t know where. It demands I can’t give up. It demands I can’t buy it.  It demands I know the truth.  I am not too much to handle.  I might be overwhelming to a new primary care provider but I’m not garbage to be thrown out with yesterday’s trash. I felt like I was in a 3rd world country today.  Then thought I probably would have gotten a lot better care in Mexico.  And a hug. 

On the other hand he did refer me out to a shit load of other Drs that he said could help me. But now I have to wait.

This office didn’t even stop to check my blood sugar.