There was a time I was just going through the motions. Just barely getting by. Robot motion. I always took my long acting. Didn’t always count carbs. Didn’t care. 250 was great. 300 meant a shot. I was in denial. It was enough. I thought. Hoping my pancreas would magically kick in maybe? Looking for a reprieve definitely. It was too hard. It was too much. I would go a whole day checking my sugar maybe once or twice. Thought that should be enough. I was burnt out.
But that’s not enough… I needed to accept my lifelong pal: diabetes.
My pancreas will never ever produce insulin. Ever again. It’s just a fact. Time to stop looking to my pancreas to pick up the pieces that I have ignored. Time to start doing the work it will never do again. It’s a sad thing. Grief. It’s OK to be angry. But I can’t ever afford a moment of denial again. I can’t go down that road.
Side note: this does not mean in any way I have given up on proper allocation of resources towards a cure and that the Drs, researchers and scientists will have the inner guidance and revelation necessary to do so and in our lifetime. It just means I have to play drill sergeant to a bratty disease in the meantime.