There was a time I was just going through the motions.  Just barely getting by.  Robot motion.  I always took my long acting.  Didn’t always count carbs.  Didn’t care.  250 was great.  300 meant a shot.  I was in denial.  It was enough.  I thought.  Hoping my pancreas would magically kick in maybe?  Looking for a reprieve definitely.  It was too hard.  It was too much.  I would go a whole day checking my sugar maybe once or twice.  Thought that should be enough.  I was burnt out.

But that’s not enough…  I needed to accept my lifelong pal: diabetes.

My pancreas will never ever produce insulin.  Ever again.  It’s just a fact.  Time to stop looking to my pancreas to pick up the pieces that I have ignored.  Time to start doing the work it will never do again.  It’s a sad thing.  Grief.  It’s OK to be angry.  But I can’t ever afford a moment of denial again.  I can’t go down that road.

Side note:  this does not mean in any way I have given up on proper allocation of resources towards a cure and that the Drs, researchers and scientists will have the inner guidance and revelation necessary to do so and in our lifetime.  It just means I have to play drill sergeant to a bratty disease in the meantime.